Why you need copy editors and proofreaders… and regarding ads

It is much easier to spot someone else’s errors because your brain will not as easily assume what the author meant to write. I do try to check my posts, but sometimes things will get by me and I do not have a proofreader. So, please show mercy if you see an error. Just make a note in the comments section and I will fix it.

This former copy editor and proofreader thanks you for your understanding.

By the way, I know there are ads showing on my blog. I have no control over them or over their content.

Rejoicing on Tuesday, July 21

Avinu shebashamayim, thank You for another day in which we can love You and serve You and do good deeds in Your name.

May You be glorified in our thoughts, in our deeds, and our words.

May Your kingdom come and may Your will be done in our lives and in the whole of the Earth.

Prayer – July 20, 2020

Thank You so much, Avinu, that You watch over us every day.

Thank You for the sweet times of fellowship I have been able to carve out of my very busy days.

Thank You for Your guiding hand in our lives.

Please help us to not fight against You.

Thank You for providing for us. May we be grateful for Your provision and not complain. (Thank You for helping me with acceptance!)

May each one reading here, and all their loved ones, be blessed.

May we entrust every care into Your capable hands.

Revisiting the Past… Going Backward to Go Forward

I don’t really like to think of my past, especially the deeper darker parts of it… the parts that tell me what still lies behind a veil of amnesia. But sometimes, to go forward you first have to go backward.

My goal is to move forward in my recovery journey by becoming a peer recovery coach. I have already connected with the people with whom I want to work. But to do that, I needed to share the deeper darker part of my history. I already know I will get pushback for trying to move forward and I want someone to know my battle. I can use the extra support.

I am also going to be sharing my recovery story and the roots of my addictive personality lie in that dark part of my past.

Last October I got triggered, which stirred up the CPTSD, among other things. Now this opportunity comes along and brings up even more. I am back to writing poetry, which is a good thing. It is time to have an outlet for what I sense may be lying just beneath the surface.

On this blog, I don’t really go into much detail. That is for the survivor blog. But here, I am just sharing that, sometimes, in order to truly be free, we have to look at the ugly past. We have to pull it out, expose it to the light, accept it for what it is… and then move on. That is what I am doing this month.

I have already shared some of the darker stuff and the sharing I am going to do later this month is going to go deeper than I have before in a “public” setting. Yes, there has been pushback, but I recognize it for what it is and am being set free. Baruch HaShem!

What Is Your Destination?

Do you know where you’re going? I don’t mean in the next hour or even today. I don’t mean what plans do you have for next week or next month or next year. I’m talking about after you die.

When this life is over, when there’s nothing left, and your body no longer lives, where will you be?

There’s a lot of debate about what comes after life. A lot of people believe there is life after life. Some believe there’s just nothing. We die. Our bodies rot in the grave. End of subject.

I look at the intricacies of this world and of this universe and I simply cannot logically deny there is an intelligence behind it all. Whether I look at the universe as a whole, this planet as a whole or just the human body, there are just too many things that have to fit so perfectly in place for us to be here, for life to exist, for our bodies to heal. It is astounding and mind-boggling.

So that begs the question of who this Intelligence is. Again, there is more than one stream of thought on the subject. A common term used for it is God. But who or what is God? There are those who think we are all God and that we all made ourselves. I hope I don’t have to explain the total utter lack of logic in that line of thinking. Others believe that God is some sort of divine super being who lives outside of time and space, enabling Him/Her/It to create everything we see. The more my husband and I study science, the more we see that is the only truly logical conclusion.

So then there’s another question that pops up. Are we supposed to know this God, to be in relationship with this God? Does this God want to be in relationship with us? I think the answer can be found in logic again.

There is something often called the “fingerprints” of God. I believe God wants to be known because He left traces of himself, evidence of His existence everywhere. He could have made us operate in a much simpler fashion. The fact that He put so much detail and precision into everything, not just one or two things, but everything that exists, tells me He’s leaving his fingerprints… He wants to be known.

Of course, that takes us to the next question. Do we want to know Him? Having known God for as long as I can remember, it’s difficult for me to imagine living without knowing His reality. For me, knowing God means knowing who I am and why I’m here. I cannot imagine living any other way.

There have been times when I have struggled with understanding my life and my purpose. Many times I have experienced hard, hard things, but it was knowing God that helped keep me alive and helped me get through those hard things. I believe I can honestly say, had it not been for my relationship with God, I would not survived. I would be dead… or in an institution of some kind.

What about you? Do you know the One who created everything? If you doubt His existence, look around you. People try to say that science explains everything, yet scientists are jumping off the evolutionary bandwagon because, the more they learn, the more impossible they know evolution actually is. That only leaves one alternative… a Creator.

Ever wonder why you’re here? Ever wonder what your true purpose is? I encourage you to ask the Creator to show you. Isn’t it logical that a Creator who would leave so much evidence of His existence would also reach out to us in some way? Would make a way for Him to be known? I believe He has reached out. I believe He has revealed Himself in the Bible.

I hear people say negative things about the Bible, but I believe there are answers to them all if one really wants to study it in its historical, cultural and linguistical context.

If you want to know more about the Creator, I’m willing to share what I know. I am no theologian. I’m no expert. What I am, though, is someone who has walked with Him for a lifetime, who has had very real experiences with Him, experiences that can’t be explained away by positive thinking or the placebo effect. I have seen things and experienced things that have no other explanation. I am a walking miracle.

Reach out to me through the contact tab if you have any questions.

A dream within a dream…

This is convoluted, but I will try to explain. Ever had a dream where in the dream you dreamed another dream? Ever had a dream where it was so real you wondered if you’d actually dreamed it or experienced it?

Twice, I recently had dreams like those. When I awoke, both times I knew it was a dream. However, in the dreams I experienced something that, in the dream, I wasn’t sure if I had dreamed it or experienced it.

In both instances, it involves real people I know. The first involved a gathering with a group of people in which I knew some, but didn’t know others. One of the women there was someone I have a broken relationship with. It was pleasant and I was able to start sharing my heart and then I woke up. It was bittersweet because the likelihood of that conversation taking place in real life does not seem to be very good.

The second dream involved someone I know now locally, but it wasn’t about her. In that dream, I saw my mother and my sister, who are both deceased. They looked well, happy, healthy. I had a brief interaction with each of them. But then, in the dream, as I was excitedly telling my current day friend that I had seen them, I wasn’t sure if I had really seen them or just dreamed that I had seen them.

Dreams can be confusing enough at times. When I dream that I was dreaming, even more so. I know dreams can be ways of processing real life things. Sometimes, when I ask God to show me what it’s about, He does. Not always, though.

In the first dream with the broken relationship, I think it just expresses the longing of my heart. I awoke with a very heavy heart because it reminded me of that very real broken relationship.

The second dream, I have no idea. I remember seeing my mother in a group of people who were passing by me. I was so shocked when I realized it was her it took me a few seconds to respond. I smiled and waved joyfully at her. I don’t remember if I gave her a quick hug or not. She looked younger, healthy and happy.

The group kept moving and I spotted my sister, also looking well and happy. Seeing my sister was a second shock, but after the first shock, I had recovered presence of mind to reach out and try to talk to her. I told her I was on my way to a recovery meeting and asked if she would like to go with me. She said she would. She, too, had been an alcoholic. But in the dream, she seems to have conquered it.

I don’t remember much about the specifics of the dream. My sister was several people behind our mom. They definitely were not together. I have no idea if they were aware of one another or not. If they were, perhaps they’d already made peace with one another.

My mother is dead and in the dream she looked younger than her death age. With my sister, there has always been that slight doubt because the body I saw just didn’t look like her. My parents insisted it was her, but it didn’t look like her to me. And there was weirdness that took place when I saw her body, like not being allowed to be alone with it. The circumstances of her death and the viewing her body were suspicious. I was always concerned that she had been trafficked away to get rid of her and her death faked so there would be no police report of her being missing.

It is possible that her being in the same group with my mother was a way of processing her death or even a way of G-d trying to let me know that she really is dead, which of course is most likely. I don’t know. Dreams are funny like that.

I don’t often remember dreams or even having dreamed anything. When I do remember, there’s usually a significance to them, but not always. The hardest part is when it impacts my emotions. When something in the dream, or even just having the dream, stirs up deep emotions, it is a struggle to overcome them after waking up.

I’m not one of those people who’s into a reading a book about all the symbolism of dreams and what they mean and all that. Those are the speculations of people. No, I prefer to ask God. I figure if there’s a significance oh, He will let me know. I will see if He reveals anything to me.

The Power of Words

The power of words is both terrific and horrific. With words the Creator spoke the universe into being. It’s the words of a jury that pronounce someone innocent or guilty and the judge uses words to pronounces life or death.

With our words we can lift up and encourage or bring down and destroy.

Words have power, including our own words. It says in the Bible we will each be held accountable for every word that has come out of our mouths. That can be a very frightening thought.

The Bible also says that the tongue is one of the hardest things to tame.

Reputations have been destroyed with false words. Riots have been incited with inflammatory words.

So what kind of words are we speaking? The opportunity comes every day to use words. And it’s not just the spoken words that are important. It is also the written words and the words we think.

Every action, whether good or evil, started with a thought. The words we think are powerful. They are the seeds of attitudes that can grow into actions… for good or for bad.

What we think, what we write, what we speak are all important.

How will you use words today? Will you use them to bring peace? To bring reconciliation? To edify and build up others? Or will you use them to bring chaos and division and destruction?

I know the goal I have set for myself which is based on the goal I see Creator G-d setting for me. What is your goal?

Think about it!

Dear Abba, June 18, 2020

Dear Abba,

My spirit delights in loving You, in serving You, in obeying You, and in walking alongside You every minute of every hour of every day. My flesh, on the other hand, not so much.

How easy it is to stray into areas of thought and attitude that are not befitting someone made in Your precious image. I have to ask myself what is it about me that makes it so easy to go astray. What is it that makes me fail?

I have Your Spirit living within me. You empower me. Yet, my humanness comes out… a lot.

I spend time with You every day and throughout the day. There are times when sitting with You brings tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude. Tears of being overwhelmed by Your goodness toward me.

My human heart, although craving to truly know You, cannot handle that. The closer I get to You, the more I see my weaknesses and failings. It is both a joyful and a painful experience. Yet, I walk away ever so much more grateful. For I have been touched by Your love.

Your love covers me and fills me… just as I am… right now… dressed in the rags of my sinfulness. But You never leave me there. You keep refining me and changing me. My rags are slowly becoming a beautiful gown.

You encourage me not to give up in doing the good things You have called me to do. You assure me it is not in vain. I am no longer trapped in sinfulness. I have Your Spirit to help me overcome it… to help me to love You as You deserve and to walk in Your ways and to do the good works You have prepared for me.

You keep working on me, in me, and through me. You have given me a love for others that is far greater than what I had. And whenever I think I truly love others, You show me how I don’t… not everyone. And I surrender that part of me to Your hand and You remove what needs to be removed and replace it with Your true love for others.

You help me to see Your image in every single person. It is a challenge, for my flesh sees only with my eyes and some people… well, dear Abba, some people just don’t fit the bill of being people I “want” to love with my flesh. It is harder to see Your image in them. But I wonder how hard it is at times for people to see Your image in ME. But, in my spirit, I DO want to love them all, just as I DO want to reflect Your image.

So, I practice. I look at people I struggle to love and intentionally try to see Your image in them. And when I see Your image, the love comes. And every time I do that, it becomes easier and easier to see Your image and to allow Your love to flow. And I hope, in the process, I more reflect Your image to others.

But I know I must guard my heart and mind in Mashiach Yeshua. For, when I set my mind on the things of this world, I WILL go astray. But, when I set my mind on You and Your teachings, I stay the course.

Thank You so much for never giving up on me. Thank You so much for never leaving me totally to my own devices. You allow me the freedom to stray far enough to learn the lesson, but never far enough to be lost.

I am humbled at Your Mercy and Your Love. I simply cannot fathom who and what You are. You are immense and the closer I draw to You, the more I realize how little I truly know You. Which humbles me all the more and makes Your love and mercy all the more unfathomable… all the more amazing. Newton got it correct. Amazing Grace.

Thank You for waking me early. Thank You that I actually got up… letting go of the fear of not having rested enough. Thank You that the first thoughts on my heart were prayer to You… the seeds of this prayer. Thank You for helping to step out more in faith and trust You more. I am letting go of the fear of returning ill health. I choose not to walk in fear. Please help me with the areas of fear I still have. I want to let them ALL go!

You are faithful. I am not. Your love is perfect. Mine is not. Yet, You welcome me every day into Your special presence if I will just come. So, here I am. Humbled. Grateful. Tears in my heart. Love in my heart.

Thank You.