Obviously, the thing I want most is for Dave to get better…to be pain free. But, if we cannot have that, the next best thing is for him to get SSDI. He has an appointment to see the SSDI doc this week, followed by another eval from his VA pain clinic doc.
It breaks my heart to see him hurting so much and so unable to do the things he wants and needs to do. He tries, but he always pays the price for it. He just cannot do the things he used to be able to do.
My oldest is in jail and his trial is coming up the third week of June. It has been over a year and, although I dread it, I also just want it to be over. All of us do, so we can breathe again. It has torn the family apart, literally. My grandchildren are scattered between four families.
With all that is going on, my PTS levels, which were somewhat manageable, have been rising again. Being a believer does not mean that life does not affect us. It just means that we know Someone we can draw our strength from…Someone who can give us comfort in the midst of huge pain.
I always remind myself that nothing…absolutely nothing…happens that is not either allowed or caused by Abba. Nothing. And He turns all things for good. Also, we are to give thanks both in all things and for all things. Even when things that seem bad to us from our perspective happen, Abba can make them good. He will use them for our good, to prune us and refine us and bring us to the next level of holiness.
So…I wait…and I rest in Him as best I can. Everyone in my family is in His hands, even those who don’t know they are. He loves them more than I ever could. I have to rest in that.
In the meantime, I hope there is some way we can get the AC unit back into the window and I must go take my Vit B complex in the hopes that it will make me less tasty to all the bugs that think I am a delectable main course when I go outside.
This is how I often feel…like a flower growing in the midst of very difficult circumstances. I choose to keep blooming…no matter what!