I don’t know what the greatest test of faith is. Could it be when you lose a loved one? How about when you hit financial disaster and lose all you own? Or maybe it is when the trials and dreariness of life just seem to go on and on without end? Perhaps, it is when your (or a loved one’s) health is destroyed by illness or an accident. It could be when you see people starving and hurting and no one is there to help them. Or maybe it is when we want to help someone and can’t. When we feel completely helpless and/or our situation feels totally hopeless…is that when faith is the most tested? I don’t know.
I have known the Creator since I was very young. Of course, my understanding of Him has changed throughout the years as I have experienced His presence in my life and in the lives of others and as I have studied His teachings and walked in His Spirit.
There were many times when I did not understand why He allowed the people and things in my life that He did. There were times when I questioned not only His love for me, but my even being lovable. I wondered if I were being punished or simply was unworthy of anything better. It took a long time to be able to recognize the Creator’s love and hand in the negative things happening in my life.
As I have gone through the challenging things in my life, my faith has been tested. Yes, I have had my times of doubt and questioning…both of the existence of G-d and of His nature. However, logic tells me there is no real question as to the Creator’s existence. And, as I walked through things, I found that He got me through them. He truly IS a loving and faithful G-d…even when I have not been so loving and faithful back.
The times when I have seen His hand the most have been the toughest times. I have not always been able to see it in the moment, although sometimes I have…and can. Typically, though, it was not until after the situations had passed that I could see Him in my circumstances and experiences. In fact, it was in looking back and seeing how He moved in those times that I was able to begin to more readily recognize His footprints in current day trials.
It is comforting to know that He has been there for me and that He always will be…even when I struggle to see it. Thankfully, my current day struggles are not filled so much with wondering where He is (He is here). Now, I am able to trust more and just walk through whatever is going on, allowing myself to feel what I need to feel and experience what I need to experience.
Does that mean I don’t grow weary? Of course not! It also does not mean that I do not hurt or feel sadness or wonder how long some things will last. What it does mean, though, is that I know His hand is upon my life and that He is working something good out of all that happens…even the most painful of things.
My faith’s rubber has met life’s road…and held up. I am no “Queen of Faith” by any means. But I AM a daughter of the Most High G-d who is highly loved and cherished, even when I don’t “feel” as if I am. Knowing is not feeling and feelings sometimes lie. Knowing is for sure. Feelings are fickle.
I hope you are finding faith in our Creator. He is there for you. I encourage you to call out to Him. Ask Him the hard questions. He can handle it. But be prepared for the answer. It may not be what you expect.