Life has been full and I have been busy with trying to bring our son farther forward in his education. It is time to get into more of a routine and schedule, something we have all been without for so long. On top of that, we recently celebrated some important days.
One is an anniversary of 18 years of marriage. It has been an amazing journey and one of no looking back! Two days after that was my birthday, which is also the anniversary of my younger sister’s death 11 years ago. Coming up is my mother’s birthday and, of course…Mother’s Day. Add to that the fact that I found out in March that my mother died over a year ago. Yes, it was a bit of a shock. I did try to reach out to her, but it did not work out very well. It is a long story.
I still have questions about the odd circumstances surrounding my sister’s death, which is typical of a cult family. Coming from a family like mine also makes parental birthdays and parental holidays difficult. As a parent, I don’t like to have to deal with the parent holidays because I am so aware of my many shortcomings as a mother. As a daughter, I don’t like parent holidays because I want to honor my parents while still maintaining my integrity. It can be a very difficult balancing act. I no longer have to deal with my mother and, as for my father…well, that is a whole other story.
I share this not for pity. I know I am in the hands of the Creator. I have found a lot of healing in my life through Yeshua. Yes, I can still feel pain and, yes, I have some more grieving to do. But that is life and Yeshua walks with me through it all. He walked me through grieving what was and through grieving what was not. He also walked me through grieving what will never be with my sister and now with my mother.
Life is good. Not because of anything necessarily happening in it or anything I have, but because I know the Creator of all things. It is good because I realize how dark my soul has been and how undeserving of any good thing I truly am; yet I am so aware of how very blessed I am. I have been forgiven and cleansed of all my wrongdoing…of all my failings. There is no comparable experience to walking with the Messiah and knowing I am so loved by my heavenly Abba. To know that His arms are around me and holding me up is an amazing thing. To know His grace is beyond description.
I hope that you, too, know the Creator. I hope that you, too, have found forgiveness in His Son the Messiah Yeshua. I hope that you, too, know the amazing love of Abba.